the first time i had the nerve
to love you
i hated myself for it
i hated for being weak
being vulnerable
for feeling special

i hated the way you made me feel
all girly and giggly
and how i smiled at the mere
thought of you

and the way i would do anything
anything
anything at all for you

and that when you made me mad
id slam doors at 4am and leave
and halfway home, turn back
knowing that id rather sleep beside you
listen to your breathing as you slept

no matter how angry i got at you
i loved you more than fucking
anything

and then you had the nerve to leave
to step away from what is real
and what is right

now you know why i started hating
myself
the day i fell in love with you

because it was too good
and it was too right
but yet all too wrong

now, i sit here biting my thumbnail
pressuring myself to let it all out
to tell you just how bad you fucking
hurt me

but i wont have a chance to
because youll look at me
and beat me to the punch line

ive never wanted to hate someone so
bad.

and ive never wanted to not love
someone so much.

until i had the fucking nerve
the fucking nerve
to fall in love with you.

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